Women Making a Difference in Marriage

Hello Ladies,

I haven’t written in quite some time since I have transitioned back into school life at the University of Michigan.  As you know, during the semester it is hard to do anything but study and write.  I do love going to school though.  We have met some great people here in Ann Arbor, MI and God has provided us with a wonderful church and we will be closing on a house in just about 3 weeks.  We have received many amazing blessings since being back in school mainly from a financial perspective.  God is so good!

Today I want to talk about what men want–what do they really, really want and need according to the Bible?

One survey asked men, given the choice, how would they prefer to feel: “alone and unloved” or “inadequate and disrespected.”  The survey results are that 76% of men would prefer to feel alone and unloved rather than inadequate and disrespected.

So what does this tell us women?  This tells us that men want to feel respected by their wives and that they need to feel as though they are adequate husbands.  So how do we show respect and adequacy to our husbands?  What does that look like?

First, we read in 1 Peter 3: 1-6 that women should be submissive to their husbands.  This is the first commandment we have as wives (after, of course putting God above all things) is to respect our husbands by being submissive.  The Bible says in this verse specifically that our “chaste conduct” or submissive demeanor or behavior will show our husbands this respect.  This means that as our husbands take their lead as leader of the household, women need to let them lead by showing their husbands that they are following.  A leader cannot lead with followers.  Actions speak louder than words ladies.  We can pray for our husbands to make good decisions for the marriage and family instead of disrespecting him out front.  Take everything to the one who created everything.

Secondly, words are powerful!  In order to make our husbands feel adequate, we need to life them up or build them up.  How can we do that?  In Ephesians 4:29 it says, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”  Also, Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  This means that we need to have our mouth and brain filters on at all times.  Words have the power to build up and provide a calming, soft, supportive atmosphere that is productive or by contrast they can bring out anger, corruption, emotional pain and hurt.  Research shows that when we are emotionally hurt or have painful emotional scars in our life that the part of our brain that responds to physical pain is enlightened.  This means that emotional pain and hurts can go so deep that they are equivalent to that of an injury on our bodies.  So we need to be extra careful to speak with calmness and gentle words to our husbands so that we don’t leave scars.  Think about how he would feel if you said one empowering word to him today like for example, “thank you for getting up and going to work today,” or “you are so good at X, it just amazes me.”  Life them up, build their hearts up, and try to show them love like God does.

As wives, we will never be able to love our husbands the way we should if we do not love the Lord our God with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength (Mark 12:30).  Recall that the first two of the Ten Commandments tell us to worship no other gods.  Is it possible for a husband to be an idol?  Idolatry is putting anything else above the 1st priority, which should be to serve God and worship Him.

Perhaps you may feel that worshiping your husband is the least of your worries!  However, when you give him priority in terms of your thoughts, feelings, and actions, you have made him an idol—even if you are in a less-than-satisfying relationship.  Actually, we are more prone to obsess about our husbands when things are not going well. 

We are faced with the choice of obedience. 

•      Will we obey all that God has commanded us to do as wives? 
•      Will we obey God even when our husbands treat us unfairly? 

Obedience has never been easy, but with it comes a deeper love relationship with God as we learn to trust Him and realize that our significance and inheritance come only from Him!

•      Do you find yourself focusing more time on your husband than God?
•      Does your relationship with God seem to go up or down depending on your relationship with your husband?
•      Have you made your husband an idol in your life?
•      Does your husband know that God is your first priority?
•      Will pleasing God always have the greatest importance as you make your daily choices?

Dear Lord,  we worship you and we lift up your holy name.  Thank you for today and the bread of life that you have provided for us.  Please keep us from idolizing anything but you.  We love you and we know that you are the only one that can satisfy our heart’s deep desire for purpose, direction, and acceptance.  Teach us to worship you ONLY!  Amen!

” The Lord God made woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.” Genesis 2:22

God created us in His image and then commissioned men and women to rule over the earth and the animals. They were to “be fruitful and increase in number” (Gen. 1:28). Neither the man nor the woman could perform this function alone.

In fact, Adam’s aloneness was the reason given for Eve’s creation. Adam couldn’t have a personal relationship with the animals. Adam needed a helper, and God fashioned one who would be ideal for him. When considering the wife’s role, we must remind ourselves that God made the first couple just exactly the way He planned. No mistakes were made. God called His creation good; in fact, it was very good!

Wives are intended to act as godly counterparts to our husbands because our natures supply what is lacking in theirs. A suitable helper is a completer and a complementer to her husband. Her motivation behind loving actions is the desire to meet the deep inner needs of her husband. This process doesn’t happen overnight; it is a lifetime commitment.

What is a suitable helper’s identity? When you realize that your true worth and significance come only from God, your creator, then you are free to love your husband despite what he may do or say. Don’t allow your husband to be the source of your identity. You have unconditional love from your Father who values you as His child. Claim your identity in Him and accept your role as his helper as an exalted position.

Since it has been a while since I have written I will recall the last lesson a bit. This short lesson is a nice subtle reminder that marriage is a two way street. Enjoy!

“We have often heard it said that God did not take Eve from Adam’s head so that she would rule over him or from his feet so that she would be his slave. There is some real truth in this. But what kind of picture is God giving to us by taking Eve from Adam’s rib? Our ribs protect our most vital organs. Our ribs protect our heart. This would be one of Eve’s ministries in the life of her husband—she would give protection to his heart!” (From the book “Love Life for Every Married Couple”)

The number two need expressed by husbands was for their wives to be recreational companions. (From the book “His Needs, Her Needs”)

God addressed Adam’s aloneness by creating Eve in the book of Genesis. We are to provide our husbands with companionship. We are to be recreational companions as well as physical, emotional, and spiritual companions. As wives, this is part of our ministry to our husbands. Being a companion is one of the many ways that we can provide protection to his heart, which is an awesome calling!

Which of your husband’s interests or hobbies do you share? Are you willing to spend time in ways that may entertain him more than you? Of course, in the ideal give-and-take of a healthy relationship, both husband and wife would willingly give time and energy to the other spouse’s interests. However, we cannot withhold our companionship while waiting for the ideal relationship. If necessary, set a sacrificial example in obedience to God’s calling on your life.

Prayer:
God, thank you for marriage, thank you for this sweet design. We submit our marriages to you that you may guide them with your loving hand. Thank you for our husbands and the heart that you have given them. Please help us to better understand our husbands and teach us to nurture him in the way that you do. Amen!

Somewhere between her home
and a placard demanding equal rights
she got lost
wandering past the garden
following where the serpent pointed
she turned left instead of right
and got offtrack…….
and through the scenery looked vaguely familiar
a frown of consternation
began to crease her brow
as she realized
it was taking her
far too long
to reach her desired destination
still she determined to go
yet another mile
before turning off her chosen path
perhaps she was being too anxious……
and as she wandered
looking for a marker
to get her bearings
man wondered where she’d gone
as she ventured too far to hear
his need for her
or her children crying
and they too lost their way
trying to follow her
misled by traces of her perfume in the air
the memory of a gentle touch
an encouraging word…..
a piece of fabric soft to the skin
and sage advice
were found along the path
now littered with confusion
and distrust….
and as man’s shoulders began to slope in resignation
weakening his arms
causing him to abdicate his seat as protector
and her children began to find their own way
allowing new friends of rebellion
to fill the space she left behind
a cry rang out……
It filled the earth
it reached the skies
and rang throughout the heavens
“Woman, where art thou?”
“Woman, where art thou?”
“Woman, where art thou?”
it echoed off the mountaintops
and stretched across the plains
it descended throughout the valleys
this plaintive cry
mourning the absence
of this precious lost treasure
and she hearing the cry
came to a halt
not quite sure of where she stood
unable to give her location
she turned looking for her own
footprints in the sand
only to find shallow remembrances
of where she had been
and somewhere between her struggle to recall her true identity
and the place of her restoration
she saw visions of a man with sad eyes
longing for her love
praying for her return
and children
with their arms outstretched
crying for her wisdom to save them
but she had grown weary from the journey……..
sadness rooting her to the spot
depression bowing her
into herself
she succumbed to her fatigue
sinking into a deep and fitful sleep……
and in the distance
the ring of hammers
began hesitantly
building
and building again
until it reverberated
through the land…..
its sharp rhythm piercing the hearts of men
awakening sleeping women
and frustrated children
as wanted signs were posted
by determined hands
in search of the vanishing woman……………

Interestingly, God paraded before Adam all the animals, and Adam named them.  Picture this scene for a moment.  God had just indentified a need in Adam’s life, and He also proposed a solution; then He asked Adam to name the animals!  I imagine God smiled as Adam searched for that very special “helper” He had designed just for him.  Adam probably thought, “no that elephant couldn’t be the one, it’s too big.  Or, that giraffe couldn’t be it, for the neck is too long for my liking!” 

“He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.  So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.  But for Adam no suitable helper was found.”  Gen. 2:19-20

God was giving Adam time so he would understand his great need for a companion.  He saw that all the animals had a perfect partner, and he knew that his partner could not possibly come from the animals.  He trusted God as the only One who could create someone who would perfectly correspond to his needs.   Ladies, we were and are the jewel of creation yet to come, the last thing that God created was a beautiful princess.  That is us….WOW!  We were it, the most prized of God’s creation.  Picture this scene when woman was created……..

“So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh.  Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.  The man said, “this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man.”  Gen 2: 21-23
 

“We have often heard it said that God did not take Eve from Adam’s head so that she would rule over him or from his feet so that she would be his slave.  There is some real truth in this.  But what kind of picture is God giving to us by taking Eve from Adam’s rib?  Our ribs protect our most vital organs.  Our ribs protect our heart.  This would be one of Eve’s ministries in the life of her husband—she would give protection to his heart!”  (from the book Love Life for Every Married Couple)

How cool is that, we have a pretty awesome and precious responsibility. 

This word is encouraging, exciting, and so right on. I am so thankful for the wonderful relationship that God has blessed my husband and I with and cherish my role as a wife,friend, lover, and counselor. How blessed we all are to have such tremendous identities in Christ!
God bless you all! Love, Aurora 

(This is a post from Aurora Perry)

God could have created only men or only women, but He chose to create men and women.  Wouldn’t it have been a boring world if there were only one gender? Seriously!  Booooring!  Not only did God create two distinct genders, but He also gave them corulership over the animals and the world he made.

“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him.  Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air.  He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.  So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.  But for Adam no suitable helper was found.  So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, He took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh.  Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man.  The man said, “this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man.”  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”  Gen 2:18-24

First of all, if God says something isn’t good, it must mean that something EXTREMELY serious is lacking.  That says a lot right there, because God never said that any of his creation was wrong or missing an element except the relationship between Adam and Eve……..we are THAT important ladies!  God provided a wonderful and creative solution. 

Let’s be honest, how do you feel about being described as your husband’s helper?  In most cultures, the word helper refers to someone who assists a person of greater status or worth.  In Gen. 2:18, God did not paint this picture at all.  In fact, the word helper is an exalted word in Scripture. God refers to Himself as the helper of His people.  Jesus said that He came to serve and not to be served (Matt. 20:28).  Make no mistake:  to be a helper is an exalted position from God’s perspective.   “We say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.  What can man do to me?”  Heb. 13:6

Scripture clearly states that it was not the woman who was in need of a helper; indeed, the man was in need of help.  “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”  Peter 3:7   In Greek the weaker partner, referred to a cherished piece of pottery of great value.  Peter said that if a husband didn’t recognize and treat his wife as an heir of God’s grace, his prayers would be hindered. Ouch…..that is harsh, but it means he is ordered to treat us like royalty.  (But don’t let this get too out of control!)

“ You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. (Ephesians 4:22-24)

We are made in God’s image, not only intellectually and emotionally but also spiritually.  We can respond to His Spirit’s voice.  We can communicate with God.  No matter what the circumstances, we have the Spirit of God within us helping us and guiding us.  Not only are we created in God’s image, but we are created to be like God.